Honor Among Thieves
by Ellcrys
Summary: After Jude joins the Dunan Army, Hoi comes up with an even better scam than his last one. Because there's just not enough ridiculous fic starring Hoi. Or something.


_**Warnings/Disclaimer:**  
* Still no Suikoden 3, so... Suikoden 2. Few plot point spoilers, but given the context, not very obvious. If you haven't played the game, though, it will make little sense.  
* Rated PG-13 because Jeane is in it. You know what I mean.  
* This was meant to be a very, very stupid and pointless fic. I think I hit the mark!  
* Characters belong to Konami... and frankly, I wouldn't want to claim this one anyway. Yeesh. _

* * *

**Honor Among Thieves**

"And then here on the fourth floor, this is Shu's room - he's not here right now though, so we better not go in. And if you look over this way, there's a balcony. A really great view of the rest of the castle, come and see!" 

Hoi ducked back into the stairwell as the Dunan Army's leader and his sister emerged from the elevator. They were quickly followed by the army's newest recruit, who paused and rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he looked over the area with an artist's eye. Riou and Nanami had gotten ahead of him, Jude realized after a moment - and he hurried after his new master, who was taking him on the grand tour of North Window Castle, punctuated with Nanami's cheerful and nonstop exposition. 

Hoi could hear her chattering all the way back in the stairwell, and he scowled. He couldn't very well sneak into Shu's room while they were this close - if Riou caught him, he probably wouldn't believe that he'd just heard a rumor that Shu was embezzling funds from Hans' armor shop, and wanted to investigate. (And rightly so, because he hadn't heard any such rumor. He was, however, devoted to this excuse if someone happened to see him.) 

"You know," he heard Jude muse, interrupting Nanami's constant stream of proud exclamations about her brother and the castle, "this would be the perfect place for a statue. Nothing so big as the Guardian Deity, of course, but just a little tribute... Should I start work while you decide what you want for the Guardian?" 

"Uh, sure, I guess... what kind of statue?" 

"Why, of you, Lord Riou! You're the inspiration behind this army, after all, and a great hero." 

"Er, you really-" 

"Woohoo!" Nanami interrupted in a cheerful, ear-piercing exclamation. "A statue of Riou would be so incredible! Wouldn't it? Wouldn't it?" 

"If that's all right with you, of course." 

"Of course it's all right! Right?" 

There was a pause, then Riou spoke up. "Umm... I don't know, I'm not really anything special. Everyone in this army is important, you know, and there are other people who deserve a statue as much as me." 

"Oh?" Jude inquired. "Like who?" 

"I don't know... I'm not as powerful as Viktor or Flik, they're really the ones who do most of the fighting." 

"They are not!" Nanami objected. "You've been out there in every single battle we've had, and you've fought just as much as they have in this war." 

"Thanks, but I don't really think that's true." 

"Go ask Shu when he gets back - he keeps track of that stuff. He'll tell you, you've defeated more of our enemies than anyone else! I just know it!" 

"So it's settled, then," Jude decided. "I'll build a statue of whoever Shu tells me has defeated the most enemies during the war. All right?" 

"Yes - and I know it'll be Riou!" Nanami proclaimed proudly. 

"That sounds fair," Riou agreed. 

Hoi had been leaning out of the stairwell a little bit to better hear the conversation, but at the sound of footsteps returning from the balcony, he ducked back inside. 

"So where is Shu, anyway?" Jude asked as they passed the closed door on the way to the elevator. 

"He went back to Radat to make sure his house was being kept up," Nanami explained. "There have been reports of thieves in the area, you know..." 

The ding and whirr of the elevator told Hoi that they were gone, but he didn't step out of the stairwell just yet. The idea of snooping around Shu's room had lost a bit of its appeal, due to another idea taking shape in his mind. Yes, even if he was rather sure that being the army's head strategist probably paid pretty well, and Shu most likely had all kinds of interesting things in there. 

Instead, he thought, if he could manage to pull off what he was thinking about, he'd have a nice, steady source of income for years to come. 

He was so busy scheming that he didn't even notice when Shu's door opened, and out stepped Apple, who nearly bumped into him as she went to the stairs. "Oh! Hoi, what are you doing here?" she asked him curiously. 

"W... What were you doing in Shu's room while he's away?" Hoi shot back. 

"I was putting away some documents I borrowed," she replied, frowning slightly. "So what are _you_ doing lurking in the shadows of the stairwell?" 

"Documents, huh? Heh..." Hoi gave her a sly, knowing look. "A likely story." 

"It's true," she told him, her expression growing somewhat suspicious. "Why _else_ would someone go into Shu's room while he's in Radat?" 

Hoi hesitated. "...Well, fine! I-if you're just going to suspect me of things, all because I decided to stand guard for our fine strategist while he was away, then I won't do it!" 

He started quickly down the stairs without waiting to hear what she thought of his answer. She did the same a few moments later, and from the third floor hallway, Hoi heard her pass to a lower level. As well, he heard the ding of the elevator ringing up from below him through the shaft, indicating that Riou and Nanami and Jude were probably down there too. 

Might as well do it now, Hoi thought to himself. Gathering his courage, he headed up the stairs again. 

*** * * * ***

Hoi had tagged along when Riou and the others had gone to see what was happening in Muse only a short time ago. Fortunately, he'd been wise enough to stay back when that golden wolf creature had attacked. Even if Viktor had yelled at him for it. 

However, he'd taken part in a few battles on the way to Muse, including one with a couple of white tigers - one of which had dropped a Double-Beat crystal. And if Hoi wasn't mistaken, Riou hadn't given that to anyone yet. 

With Riou and Nanami both busy downstairs showing their new recruit around, and with the guards informed that he was a member of the army now, and he'd only come to pick up the laundry, Hoi had no reason to fear anyone interrupting him as he rummaged through the dirty clothes piled in the corner of Riou's large private room. Where would he have put that crystal? 

Further inspection revealed that there were a few items sitting on top of the dresser, which seemed to be where Riou emptied his pockets at night - a ring of some kind, a half-eaten sandwich... even what seemed to be a rune crystal, much to his glee. When Hoi picked it up, however, he discovered that it was a Sylph crystal, and he dropped it in disgust. 

Unfortunately, the crystal bounced off the half-eaten sandwich and landed with a delightful clink behind the dresser. Hoi winced. It was one thing to maybe borrow a Double-Beat crystal without asking permission, but a Sylph crystal? He wouldn't even want anyone _accusing_ him of touching one of those, so he supposed he'd better put it back where he found it. 

With a sigh of resignation, he leaned down and took a peek underneath the dresser. There was a gleam of crystal near the back, sure enough - in fact, there were _two_ gleams, Hoi realized with interest. 

He couldn't reach either one, and so he set his shoulder to the side of the dresser and pushed it aside. Sure enough, he found two rune crystals - as well as one of Nanami's hairpins, a few potch, and an impressive amount of dust, which scattered as he sneezed violently. 

Ignoring the cloud that rose around him, Hoi covered his nose as he scooped up the two crystals, and then the few potch as well, before pushing the dresser back to its old location. It couldn't hurt. After a moment's thought, he pushed it aside again briefly to pick up the hairpin as well. You never did know when you might need one of those, for one reason or another... 

Hoi replaced the Sylph crystal on the dresser, and took a closer look at the one remaining in his hand. Yes, it appeared to be the Double-Beat crystal he'd been looking for, he thought with a smile, and pocketed it happily as he turned to leave the room. 

The cough of one of the guards outside reminded him just in time of his earlier explanation, and he turned to snatch up a few dirty shirts from the pile before heading back downstairs. 

*** * * * ***

The tinkling sound of the chimes hanging on the door filled the runemistress' shop, and she looked up from the shelves behind the counter, where she'd been carefully arranging the crystals she had for sale. "Hi, may I help you?" 

"Er, ah... uhmm," Hoi began. 

She took a step closer to him, and tilted her head to the side as she put her hands on her hips, regarding him critically. "Hoi...? I've heard the rumors about you. You're not thinking of doing anything in my store that might be... naughty... are you?" 

He hadn't planned anything remotely troublesome before stepping inside; but as always, the way Jeane looked - not to mention the way she dressed herself - inspired plenty of "naughty" ideas. "N, n-no, milady," he managed, holding out the Double-Beat crystal. "I, I, I just n-need you to be attached to - er, I need you to attach to me, er, I-I..." 

"I see," she replied with a nod, taking the crystal from him. "I'm sure you have the hundred potch for my services - don't you, big boy?" 

"...Yes." Hoi tried to ignore what that sounded like, without much success. Digging in his money pouch, which was actually rather full (he didn't hand over _all_ the money he stole to Riou, after all), he pulled out a few coins and handed them to her. 

"All right then, give me your hand." He obliged, and Jeane peered at him thoughtfully. "Come now - you don't need to be so nervous. You've had a rune attached before, right? But your palm's sweating as if you're scared half to death." 

"Heh heh heh..." Hoi gave her a weak chuckle. "I, uh... don't have it happen too often, so I never got used to it." 

She nodded sympathetically. "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit..." 

The army's runemistress bent over the pudgy hand she held by the fingertips, holding the crystal in her other, and closed her eyes to concentrate. Hoi's eyes, on the other hand, went wide at the rather interesting view he received from her pose. 

A light engulfed his hand and the crystal, and Jeane opened her eyes again to smile at him. "There we go, all done." 

"Th-thank you," he exclaimed hurriedly, putting his other hand to his face as he dashed for the door. 

After he'd gone, Jeane sat down on her stool behind the counter, stretched, and smirked. 

*** * * * ***

A short time later, after having mostly recovered from the effects of visiting Jeane's shop, Hoi finally made it to the corner of the main hall, and Viki's eyebrows shot up at the sight of him. "Oh! Your nose is bleeding! Are you all right?" 

"Yeah, sure," he mumbled, holding a handkerchief to his nose. "I'm f-" 

"What caused it?" Viki continued, not hearing a word he said. She grabbed hold of his nose, ignoring the startled curse as she yanked him closer, and peered up one nostril. "Is something stuck up there? I don't see anything..." 

"I'm fine!" Hoi exclaimed, grabbing her wrist and pulling away from her grip. For a little mage girl, her fingers certainly were strong. "It's nothing!" 

"Oh, well, if you say so. But maybe Dr. Huan could give you something?" she pondered aloud. " He has medicines for everything. Or you could just go to Alex's shop and get something. Hey, you're all dusty! How did you get all dusty? Is that it? Have you been sneezing too much? Maybe you should go take a bath - and here," she offered, rummaging through a pocket in her robes. "You can borrow my special lucky ducky-" 

"Not now!" Hoi interrupted. "Listen - I need you to send me to..." He paused, realizing that he'd never decided where would be a good place to carry out his plan. He could have her send him to Radat, and go over the dam there... but he didn't really want to show his face in Radat again. Not just yet, anyway. There was always Toto, but there were a bunch of Highland soldiers in that area from the sound of things. "How about you send me to Ryube?" 

"Ryube? Where's that again? Oh - right," she remembered. "Okay, here we go..." 

A bright light surrounded Hoi, until all he could make out of his surroundings at the castle was Viki's voice. 

"Sha-ah... ah... achoo!" A sniffle could be heard faintly as even her voice began to fade away. "So dusty... uh-oh." 

The light vanished, and Hoi blinked. There were lots of pine trees wherever he'd landed, but it didn't look like the thick evergreen forest near Ryube... 

"You!" a shrill female voice exclaimed just behind him, and Hoi winced. He knew that voice, and two others that would no doubt join it shortly. 

"What are _you_ doing back here?" another spoke up, more harshly. "You're interrupting our lunch!" 

The third, lower and more calm, just chuckled. "And here I thought he was too cowardly to come into the mountain pass all alone, what with the tigers roaming around." 

By the time he'd turned around, the three female thieves had risen to their feet, having abandoned the boxed lunches that lay open on the ground to stare at him. "Uh, hey, Rin Rin, Ran Ran, Ten Ten," he began, raising his hands in surrender. "Fancy meeting you here..." 

"What are you talking about?" Ran Ran snapped, grabbing her weapon. "This is our land, and you know it." 

"We did give you warning the last time we met that you'd need to do your thieving elsewhere," Rin Rin pointed out calmly, readying her staff for battle in a rather nonchalant manner. "Infringing on the mountain bandits' territory is a rather serious offense, Hoi." 

"If you can't keep your promises, we'll have to take revenge," Ten Ten told him cheerfully, her own staff held ready. "Sorry, Hoi - it's nothing against you personally. Let's get him, sisters!" 

Hoi cringed. It was a good thing he had a Sacrificial Jizo on him, he thought as he turned to run. 

When Hoi had finally made his way back through the pass as far as Banner Village, the crewmen of the small boat at the pier offered him a ride north to Radat free of charge; from the shape he was in, they could tell he needed a break. 

*** * * * ***

Fortunately, the rest of Hoi's day was not nearly so painful. The bon bons and shadow dogs that prowled the fields east of the river were too weak to be any threat to him, and he even managed to find some sort of a vase during one battle. 

The afternoon into the early evening was spent pleasantly seeking out wild creatures to beat with his tonfa, and it was growing dark by the time he decided he'd had enough for the time being. It might not have been hard work, but it was pretty dull. 

He'd have to pass through Radat to get back to North Window Castle, he realized, and planned to keep his face down the entire time - but in another stroke of good luck, he happened to pass by Shu's house just as the strategist emerged, saying his farewells to the servants who kept his house while he was away with the army. Shu didn't seem particularly pleased when Hoi explained that Riou had sent him as an escort, to make certain that Shu had a safe return, but at least he didn't object. In truth, Hoi found that Shu's company was a better way to ensure his _own_ safe return, after all that he'd done in Radat a few weeks past. 

Not to mention, Hoi could tell him about all the ferocious foes he'd slain while they travelled. Shu didn't seem thrilled about that either, but it had to be done - and he did seem slightly impressed by the sheer numbers. 

It was fairly late when they returned to the castle, and Shu retired to his quarters after a quick report to Riou. Hoi opted to take a few moments to go to Lebrante before he closed up shop for the night, only to find that the vase he'd found was worthless. Hoi smirked anyhow as he headed to the baths to ditch it, switching it out for a Blue Dragon Urn while he washed the dust and dirt and blood off, then went to his room for the night. He'd done what he'd set out to do, and all he had to do now was wait. 

*** * * * ***

A week later found Hoi in the best restaurant in Radat, happily cleaning his plate of the most expensive dinners they offered as his enraptured audience listened to his tales of bravery and chivalry. 

"So yeah, Jillia and I totally hit it off. She even kissed me on the cheek, and asked me to end the war, and come to Highland and marry her! But no - I couldn't abandon the City-State I've come to love so much, not even for the love of such a beautiful, gracious woman." 

"Hear hear!" a man shouted from behind him, and the resulting cheers from those gathered around gave Hoi a chance to finish off the last few mouthfuls of his steak before continuing. 

"Uh huh, so... where was I? Oh yeah. Leaving the lovely Princess Jillia behind, I returned to Muse, where Lady Anabelle immediately summoned me to ask for my advice about the conflict with Highland, and offered me a place beside her at the Hilltop Conference." 

Unbeknownst to Hoi, another onlooker had joined the crowd, and he stared in disbelief as Hoi continued his story. 

"I defended her valiantly with words against that stubborn Sir Gordo of Matilda, reducing Lady Teresa Wisemail of Greenhill to tears as I described the honor of Muse and its army, even if they were so few that they needed the might of my mercenary force, which had grown by the thousands since my speeches across the land, drawing courage from even the common people-" 

"Uh, excuse me?" a voice interrupted, sounding exasperated. "What are you doing here, Hoi? I thought you stopped doing this." 

"Hoi?" another from the audience asked the red-clothed boy. "Are you new in town? This is Lord Riou - the leader of the Dunan Army! The man who single-handedly defeated Luca Blight, slew the vampire Neclord, and made peace between the City-State and Toran!" Another chorus of cheers erupted throughout the room. 

"What?" the boy asked, confused. "But _I'm_-" 

"Ha ha, don't worry about this boy," Hoi said quickly, rising to his feet. "He's not quite right in the head. He idolizes me, keeps following me around, imitating me... He really believes he _is_ me sometimes. Just look at the way he's dressed!" 

Those around him nodded, and Hoi continued, ignoring Riou's incredulous stare. "I can't blame the poor little fellow, though - and except for this harmless fantasy, he's a good boy, and so I've kept him on as my squire." 

"How kind of Lord Riou, to take in even the mentally disturbed!" someone in the crowd exclaimed, and more cheers broke out. 

"But...!" Riou protested, holding out his hand so all those gathered around could see. "I _am_ Riou! Here's the Bright Shield Rune to prove it!" 

There were a few sympathetic murmurs from the crowd, and one man patted him on the head. "Poor lad. Lord Riou told us all about how the True Runes hide themselves when they might be used to gain power or prestige for their bearer. A very good replica, certainly, but we won't fall for that trick." 

"...But..." Lacking for some other evidence, Riou whipped out his tonfa and spun them, snapping into a battle stance. "See how well I can fight?" 

"Yes, you're very good, bro," Hoi agreed, seeing the impressed looks on the other restaurant patrons' faces. "Haven't I taught my squire well? Everyone, give him a hand!" 

Polite applause broke out, as well as a few whistles, and Riou put the tonfa away, his face burning red. "Okay, so you won't believe I'm Riou," he conceded. "But... what makes you think _he_ is? What proof do you have?" 

"Poor boy - this must be so hard on you," a woman told him. "But your master took some of us to the castle earlier, since we thought _he_ was an imposter at first too, and he gave us all the proof we needed that he was the Dunan Army's greatest hero." 

"We're so sorry for treating you badly last time you were in Radat," the cook told Hoi, placing a large plate of broiled fish in front of him. "All we can do is attempt to make amends - you can eat here for free anytime you like, my lord." 

Riou just continued to stare in stunned disbelief. 

*** * * * ***

Back at the castle, a few of the Dunan Army's members remained on the balcony after the unveiling which had taken place a few hours before. 

"I, I, I just... I can't believe it!" Nanami stammered for what must have been the twelfth time, as she stared at the statue. "I can't! How is this possible?" 

Jude just shrugged, still admiring the detail he'd managed in the folds of the clothing, and not the least bit put off by Nanami's disappointment. "You'd have to ask Shu about that. All I know is that we agreed that the statue would be of whoever had killed the most enemies during the war, and he's the winner, according to Shu." 

"But, but..." Nanami turned to the strategist, her expression despairing. "Shu...!" 

Shu shook his head. "According to my records, after I'd updated them with some new information last week... Hoi is the one who has defeated the most enemies." 

"This is ridiculous!" Nanami exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air as she stalked back inside. "There has to be some kind of mistake..." 

"I must admit, Shu, I was rather surprised myself," Jude told the strategist after she'd gone. "But from what I've been told by the soldiers, your judgments are infallible." 

"I was surprised too - it seems we've been underestimating him." Shu looked thoughtful. "Perhaps I should put him in charge of his own battalion..." 

* * *

_**Author's Notes:**  
* Uh, there is a rationalization for writing this fic - I was trying to make sure that the statue on the balcony was of Viktor, so I gave him a Double-Beat rune. I was using Hoi in the party at the same time to get money, so I was having him and Viktor fight, but no one else, and wondered why I hadn't given Hoi a Double-Beat too, and... suddenly it all hit me why giving Hoi a Double-Beat rune could be really bad.  
* Regardless, I can't believe I wrote a fic about Hoi. Shoot me, now._


End file.
